“My boss is always touching me”

It is said that getting a good boss is almost as important as getting a good husband. While your personal life depends a lot on the kind of husband you have, the route your career graph will take in a particular company, also depends on a good boss. You might work your a** off, but if your boss doesn’t think you have done enough, or doesn’t like you in the first place, he/she might royally …umm… finish you in the appraisals. There’s hardly anything you can do about it. Except, of course, leave the job and hope that you get a better boss in the next one.

In my entire career I have dealt with all kinds of bosses – the good and the bad, the moody and the pervert, the committed and the unprofessional…the list can go on. In the early part of my career I have dealt with a boss (lady) who was beautiful and immensely talented, but would turn up in office at 6pm when we were ready to go home after finishing the day’s work. She would walk in, take a look at the pages (I worked in a newspaper) change everything, and make us sit in office, till late, implementing the changes.

I have had men bosses who noticed the colour of my lipstick and told me what clothes to wear, bosses who believed that hitting the bar during office hours was perfectly normal, and bosses who thought calling my landline at 6am to tell me that a comma was missing in my article, was perfectly normal too.

But the boss I am going to talk about now takes the cake. I must say I was not really prepared for this new job and the boss I would have to deal with. But with time I have got used to it and the mantra is to “keep the boss happy” so I guess I have to follow that.

My new boss believes in starting the day with a kiss and there is no way I can say no. There are times I find him arching over my shoulders when I am working on my laptop with his eyes glued to the screen trying to catch what I have written. Sometimes I say that I feel distracted if he does this, sometimes I don’t. It rarely makes a difference to him.

Then he touches my shoulders and says, “Do you need a massage?” I know he wouldn’t like it if I said “no”. So I have to say “yes”. I must say he is quite good at it and it is relaxing to get a nice massage like that during my workday, but sometimes what happens is that his hands just slip from my shoulders to any part of my body and he touches me just about anywhere without any inhibition. Then he asks me to stand up because he wants to give me a hug. I have to relent immediately. He is my boss after all.

He is a control freak too. He likes to work out my schedule for me. If he sees me too engrossed at my laptop he would send me off to get him a glass of juice (yes that’s my job too) and maybe a pack of potato chips with it if he is in the mood. Most of the days after work I have to go out with him and accompany him in all his evening activities which might be cycling, swimming or just taking a walk. He says he wants me around because he enjoys my company and when we are walking he always holds my hand.

It’s a tough job because I have to do exactly what he wants. And he is constantly watching my every move. Sometimes he even wants to accompany me to the bathroom. But that is one thing I have managed to say no to.

But all said and done, this is the BEST boss I have ever had. I know I have to be on my toes constantly in this job and give myself up completely to his whims, but I somehow enjoy it.

In case you are thinking that I am out of my mind I am not. I am a full-time mom (now don’t tell me that’s not a job), who works from home sometimes and my boss is my three and a half year old son. I have been in this job for the last two and a half years and so far my career graph has been on the way up.

My boss has been happy with my performance and has been giving me consistent A’s in my weekly appraisals, in every possible colour, on his sketch book. Clearly, I have managed to keep the boss happy.

I have written this today because today is Children’s Day and this goes out to all those lovely little bosses who make a mom’s life worthwhile.

PS: Even when I am uploading this I am being asked by my boss to hurry up because he needs the laptop for his work, which is watching Tom and Jerry on Youtube.